Thursday, February 26, 2009

Jason's Job Evaluation Chart

Middle Child

Shopping at Costco, I ordered the kids to go look at the photos and stand near the wall while we were checking out. Rachel said that she is not going to tell me what Bekah said about me while she was waiting but it started with fatty.

Bekah informed Jason that she was cancelling her plans to take her friends to Disneyland for her birthday because it would just be too long to have them away from their families. She informed us that she is moving her birthday to March this year since the baby is due the week of her birthday in June. She is planning quite the celebration and daily reviews the guest list and party itinerary. She has quite a few grudges from the last 2 parties that did not go as she would have liked. I have had to enlist Domestic Goddess Brit Egbert to assist with the event as I am pretty maxed out at this time. Luckily, Brit's new party planning business is just getting ready to launch and we will benefit greatly from the pre-public services. Wahoo!

Hanging Chad

Stephanie was robbed of employee of the year and I demand a recount of the votes! I think there were some hanging chads on the ballots.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Late Night Disturbia

Frequently, I get disturbed in the middle of the night and have the hardest time getting back to sleep. It is a pain since I have a hard time getting to sleep in the first place. It has always been that way for me. As a young girl, I remember sneaking to anywhere in the house I could find a pinch of light to read instead of going to bed. I get tortured by fabulous ideas I just have to write down , or nagging painful thoughts like the itch on my head could possibly be lice-how can you sleep with an idea like that? The latest thought plaguing me was that a new friend from Hope's Chest in Dallas said that her sisters Heather & Holly always got asked if their brother was adopted because his name was Eric and did not start with an H. In the middle of the night, the only R names I can come up with for our baby are latin: Ruiz, Renaldo, Raul, Ricardo, Ramone, Roberto. I am not too excited about these names since we don't have any latin heritage.

Tonight our power came back on in the middle of the night after being off for most of the day because of repair on a damaged line on our street. The alarm went crazy and all these lights came on waking me up. Bekah was so concerned about going to sleep without a nightlight. Ruthie tried to comfort her and said she was so sorry that nothing was making Bekah feel better right now. Then Ruth asked Jason if the dogs were going to die outside because they had no power. She further asked what we were going to do with this perilous situation "Just cut up the dogs and eat them?". I am really confused by this comment on survival. My only remark would be-maybe too much Man vs. Wild for little kids is not a good thing daddy.

Monday, February 16, 2009

On a Sunday Note

Yesterday, I got to go see my sister Steph teach a group of women at church yesterday in her Relief Society. The thing I love about my church is that no matter where you got there is always a group of women gathering to encourage and support each other in raising their families and serving the Lord. It is incredible to have the feeling of acceptance and unity in purpose with women you hardly know.

Stephanie did an amazing job of explaining the apostasy and relating it to our everyday lives. She had a hard time coming up with one of her fabulous visual aids because her life is still packed away in boxes. I told her to get a picture of the Last Supper and cut out Judas' heading leaving a note that says "Picture your head here!" She kindly declined my blasphemous suggestion. I thought she was incredible with such a difficult topic. She received a lot of comments and testimonies from the women. I feel that is always a sure sign that the teacher has done a great job inviting the Spirit to dwell and prompting others to bear witness.

The apostasy is the time after Christ was crucified and we believe that his true gospel left the earth until Joseph Smith assisted in it's restoration. We can personally apostasize by turning away from the gospel. I have experienced this personally in my life. It is amazing how one small act of picking and choosing what parts of the gospel we will follow or criticizing leaders can open a small crack in your testimony leaving you wide open for a complete fall. It has been hard for me to personally reconcile poor choices I have made that go against my beliefs that I hold dear. I am so thankful for those around me who make mistakes and by their example have shown me how to partake of the atonement to be healed and move forward in repentance. I am so grateful for Christ's ultimate sacrifice for me personally so that I can be a part of his great plan of happiness for us all.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Baby Boy Confirmed!

We had an ultrasound at the doctor's on Monday and it was still a boy! I had a nightmare that they were going to say it was a girl and Jason would be devastated. I included the girls in attending the ultrasound and as soon as the lights went off and the monitor showed the picture of the baby sure enough Bekah asked for a snack. Does she think we are at a movie? Honestly, after the church snack incident 1 day ago how could she possibly dare ask for food especially after the captain crunch french toast breakfast I cooked for her. Kids are exhausting. Good thing I am having another one. I just have way too much energy I need to get rid of.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Chad & Kim read us this story at dinner:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The effects of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little Soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A Batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head c*cked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dip stick,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . .. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE #&*%&?!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Taser, one note of
Caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling, apparently I crapped myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'

Sunday, February 8, 2009


The camera was on the fritz, but you get the idea! Rachel concocted this crazy scheme to cover a cup on top of her head with hair and it actually worked. Bekah was introduced to the wonderful world of ratting & teasing. Amazingly entertaining-spirit week at school.

9 am church

Seriously, this week I set my alarm on my phone and actually GOT UP EARLY and got ready for 9 am church instead of throwing on whatever is nearest and running out the door. We had extra time and curled the girls hair while Jason made an amazing breakfast. Of course, we still walked in late. I don't even know how that happens. Before we left, I sent the kids down to pack their little church purses and grab their shoes. Our church has been at 1 pm the last couple years, so the girls are used to snacking.

After a giant breakfast, you can imagine my surprise when the kids start whipping out baggies of messy cheetos, cheese & crackers, and slimy fruit by the foot. I tried to ignore it as best I could until I saw Jason squirming in his seat trying to avoid being slimed by Bekah sticking her finger in the cheese and licking it off. I had to shut it down and removed the offensive snack item. Bekah decided to replace it with a snack pack of diced juicey pears which she had brought a silver kitchen spoon to eat it with. She drops the spoon and it makes a huge clang. I confiscated all the snacks after only a few minutes of being there. How could they possibly even be hungry? I am pregnant and I understand hunger, but this is ridiculous.

Then we discover Rachel has only brought coloring crayons and paper for herself and is refusing to share. Ironically, she is the one old enough to listen to the talks and shouldn't be sitting on the floor like a two year old with crayolas. Jason had to take her outside and have a talk with her. That went really well when she continued to refuse to share her coloring materials. Needless to say, we provided endless amounts of entertainment for all surrounding rows in the chapel's overflow. Hysterics, silver clanging spoons, gluttonous kids, parents on edge-all of these things make for a conducive environment to feeling the spirit and pondering Jesus. We had a family meeting after church. I will keep you posted on how next week goes. You would think it would be smooth sailing with the baby in our family being almost 5 right now. I guess everyone has to have their bad days.

I am really proud of Jason and I for sticking it out and not abandoning the whole thing. It was very worthwhile to attend Sunday School and talk about prayer and receiving answers. Bruce Jensen talked about his personal struggle with his daughter's rett's syndrome. She is confined to a wheelchair in a very debilitating condition. A lot of people shared how they receive answers from God. One of the coolest insights I noted was that some people regularly have a lack of an answer and it was very interesting to see how they interpret and act on that. I am so thankful that I can learn from other people and benefit from their experiences and strength. I am thankful for those around me that are patient while I continue to refine my many flaws. I am especially grateful for the good news of the gospel and the promise of peace,joy,and hope that it brings. I am even thankful for crazy kids making a spectacle at church. At least they had cute hair while doing it, which Jason received compliments for in priesthood?! Who knew elder's quorom appreciated curls?!